It's just funny and at the same time somewhat surreal when you see yourself or bits and pieces of yourself in another person. A person so different from who you are and yet for unknown reasons you can totally relate to what she's going through. You've been there and you've done that...or as my crazy friend would put it - "Been there been that".
As much as you want to give your 10cents worth...you hesitate because you know deep down inside you've heard all there is to hear that very same instance and yet you chose to take the difficult road. All your friends have been telling you countless times to move on and just forget about that guy. And for a while you find yourself convinced that you don't actually need him in your life. You spend the night crying trying to figure out what actually went wrong. You practice infront of the mirror on how you plan to break it off with him. It seemed so easy and you know you have to do it for your own sake. And just before you've gathered all your guts and strength...he suddenly shows up and make things giddy again...and you forget about what you've played over over again in your mind of how you'll dump his sorry ass.
Things go back to normal and you're happy again. You forget about that night you cried yourself to sleep because you don't know where this relationship is headed to. Your friends see you with him and they just don't know what to do with you anymore. You're back to your usual self destructive routine...it becomes a cycle until you find yourself in much deeper shit when you first started. and you wonder...why on earth are you doing this to yourself? Is it all worth it?
And then there's nothing but awkward silence...for you actually are at a lost for what to say or do. You know you can't hide from yourself. You know there will come a time when you have to face the problem. The very root of the mess that you're in. Why do you hang on to this person who gives you so much pain? Why do you allow him to treat you this way? Why are you doing this to yourself?
And all you can manage to answer is this: Because without him it all just doesn't make sense. Because you know that when you're with him everything is perfect...everything makes sense. For that very moment you can truly say that you're happy. It doesn't last very long yet it feels so damn good. You know it's not going to last forever yet you're contented and happy with what you have. You just know that it's all worth it. You know that he loves you. And for you that's all you need to know.
I know I don't make sense at all. That's the very reason why I decided not to share my thoughts to this poor girl, who like me just happened to care a lot about a guy...a guy who's so clueless of how close he is to losing a great gem - one that actually take others a lifetime to find.
